That was the subject of an email I just received from the Kashi company. I have no idea what the email said because I deleted it. But the title made me go “Hmmm…”
What is keeping me up at night? Lots of things.
I was talking to my friend Jessica the other day. She has a good bit of experience going abroad for extended amounts of time too. We talked about how it sucks when you realize that nobody back home really gives a shit what you are doing, how you only ever hear from your really best friends and maybe a few family members. It’s so weird. And when you get home, only a handful of people want to hear about what you did… everybody else asks “So, are you glad to be back?” and that’s it.
Related to this is when people back home are so bad about communicating with you while you are gone. You send them emails, they don’t return them, or return them a week later (even though they have internet at their house). Or they send you an email saying “Hey, haven’t heard from you in a while… why?” Like um… I’m in a foreign country, travelling, and the internet access is not that great. Duh? Or they ask “What are you up to?” and that’s it. Hey genius, how about telling me what you’re up to, and then I’ll reply and tell you what I’m up to. Thanks.
Then yesterday, I was talking to my friend Bekah. We were lamenting about how most people in general just suck. Like how there are a lot of people you want to be acquaintances with because they are fun to hang out with or whatever. But how many people do you think are truly interesting? How many people do you trust with your life? How many people do you think really understand who you are? How many people do you think want to be your friend 5 years from now? 10 years?
Not many.
And then there’s the whole thing where people you meet seem incredibly interesting for the first couple months or whatever. Until you realize that it’s all just an act and they show their true selves. Why do people do this? I don’t understand. I want to like people for who they really are, not who they think I want them to be. I mean seriously. My favorite people are the ones who have shown me their true selves on the day we met, and a year later haven’t done a complete 180 change. Unfortunately it seems a lot of people are fakers. I don’t understand it at all.
Just the other day some guy on the interweb wrote an article titled Seven simple ways to ruin your friendships. Now, to me, most of this stuff seems like common sense. Obvious, you know? But it’s amazing how many people simply just aren’t good at being friends. Like no matter how good you are to them, they are just mediocre in return. Perhaps I have high standards, but I believe it the old Golden Rule: “Treat others how you would like to be treated.”
Here’s an excerpt that I particularly liked, and that events that have taken place in the last few weeks reminded me of:
Some people are so bad at giving respect, that the only possible source I can imagine their attitude coming from is a bad upbringing. They seem to see relationships as a kind of zero-sum game, where they can only gain respect by stealing some from another person. They can’t imagine that respect can be created out of thin air.
The way I see it is that too many people are self-centered. They think of only Me Me Me and fail to realize that there are other people, other human beings, on the receiving end of their actions. And that these people have thoughts and feelings and emotions too. Despite what Tupac said, it’s not all about you. And it’s not all about me either. It’s about being human.
Why do people do the things they do? I don’t think I will ever understand.
Maybe I’ll find out when I return in 33 days. Until then, it keeps me up at night.
completely agree. this is why i have like 3 friends.
I sympathize completely. One perspective I’ve developed about it is that most people don’t know what it’s like to go abroad for long periods of time, so they don’t understand any of the things that are hard about it: dislocation, physical and mental discomfort, loss of identity, etc. They just see it as a fun adventure you’re on, and even if you tell them it’s hard, they don’t really understand. And if it’s so hard, why do you do it?
I’ve stopped expecting them to ask more than a few cursory questions, because they don’t know what to ask and this makes them feel uncomfortable I think…my parents are especially guilty of this. But of my friends, the few who are really curious…this curiosity manifests itself in other areas of their personality as well and helps me understand why I liked them in the first place.
Thanks for the comments. Good to know somebody reads this thing! How’d you find my blog? =)
No idea. Think it was a search for something, who knows what. And then I read about your EARTH tribulations…my wife is WWOOFing right now in Scotland. Terribly enough, it sounds like she’s getting more out of her non-academic organic farming experience than you are yours. Good thing you’re getting out of there soon, sounds like a nightmare of petty rivalries.
And also, we grew up in Atlanta (living in Amsterdam now), so there was that too…
Anyway, keep writing.
i’ve been trying to keep up! :) i have 300 emails in my [personal] inbox, so i’m having a hard time keeping up with anything but putting one foot in front of the other these days. this blog actually helps with following you, even if i’ve been bad about posting anything in reply :)
xoxo
I know! You’re not the kind of people I’m talking about. There’s a difference between people who are ambitious, driven, and busy (you) and people who are just lazy, thoughtless, and rude (a lot of other people) =)