Archive for the 'misc' Category

Oh Athens, I’m Gonna Miss You.

Published on October 21, 2006 in misc. 0 Comments

Found on the internets:

Mattel recently announced the release of Limited Edition Barbie Dolls for the Athens Area Market:

Oconee Barbie
This princess Barbie is only sold at exclusively at Heery’s and Cat’s Pajama’s stores. She comes with an assortment of Kate Spade Handbags, a Lexus SUV, a long-haired foreign dog named Honey and a cookie cutter house. Available with or without tummy tuck and face lift. Workaholic Ken sold only in conjunction with “augmented” version.

East Side Barbie
This modern day homemaker Barbie is available with Ford Windstar Minivan and matching gym outfit. She gets lost easily and has no full time occupation or secondary education. Traffic jamming cell phone sold separately.

Iron Triangle Barbie
This recently paroled Barbie comes with a 9mm handgun, a Ray Lewis knife, a Chevy with dark tinted windows and a Meth Lab Kit. This model is only available after dark and can only be paid for in cash. Preferably small, untraceable bills. Unless you are a cop, then we don’t know what you are talking about.

Five Points Barbie
This yuppie Barbie comes with your choice of BMW convertible or Hummer h3. Included are her own Starbucks cup, credit card and country club membership. Also available for this set are Shallow Ken and Private School Skipper. You won’t be able to afford any of them.

Madison County Barbie
This pale model comes dressed in her own Wrangler jeans two sizes too small, a NASCAR shirt and tweety bird tattoo on her shoulder. She has a six pack of Coors light and a Hank Williams, Jr. CD set. She can spit over 5 feet and kick mullet-haired Ken’s butt when she’s drunk. Purchase her pickup truck separately and get a confederate flag bumper sticker absolutely free.

West Side Barbie
This collagen injected, rhino-plastic Barbie wears a leopard print outfit and drinks Cosmopolitans while entertaining friends. Optional Percocet prescription available.

Jackson County Barbie
This tobacco chewing, brassy haired Barbie has a pair of her own high-heeled sandals with one broken heel from the time she chased Beer-Gutted Ken out of Newport Barbie’s house. Her ensemble includes low-rise acid washed jeans, fake finger nails, and a see through halter top. Also available with a mobile home and 8-track tape player.

Normaltown Barbie
This doll is made of actual tofu. She has long straight brown hair, arch-less feet, hairy armpits, no makeup and Birkenstocks with white socks. She prefers that you call her “Willow”. She does not want or need a Ken doll, but if you purchase two Montpelier Barbies and the optional Subaru wagon, you get a rainbow flag sticker for free.

Holman Avenue Barbie aka Lives Off Campus Barbie
This Barbie comes with her own mountain bike. Available with a Nissan Pathfinder, complete with Kayak on the roof and dog in the back. Optional Ken doll also comes with his own mountain bike and Golden Retriever.

“Go Dawgs!” Barbie
This peppy Barbie includes a red shirt and black skirt (sorry, outfit cannot be removed). Usually found near Sanford Stadium drinking Budweiser and popping Adderalls with Fratboy Ken — check Facebook.com for the photos. Warning! This Barbie will steal the extra-large sunglasses accessory from your 1983 model.

Winder Barbie
This Barbie is only 14 and comes with a stroller and infant doll. Optional accessories include a GED and bus pass. Gangsta Ken and his ‘79 Caddy were available, but are now very difficult to find since the addition of the infant.

Rocksprings Barbie
This chain smoking, beer chugging model has a low rise jeans complete with muffin tops, for that extra something to hold on to. She has a lower back tattoo, cuz she’s kinda slutty like that. She drives a 1995 Ford Probe, and thinks she can dance better then you can. She comes complete with drug-dealing Ken, who doesn’t have a car or his license b/c he’s on probation. Navel piercing sold separately.

‘Country Rock’ Barbie
This Barbie comes with tangled hair and missing teeth. She is sporting LA Gear sneakers, Tapered Jeans and a B.U.M equipment belly shirt. Country Rock Barbie is also available with bearded Ken who serves as her cousin/boyfriend.

4,500 Miles in The Other Direction

Published on October 7, 2006 in misc and travel. 0 Comments

So I didn’t get the internship with the USDA and I won’t be going to Europe in the spring. They were looking for economics people, and not agriculture people, unfortunately.

A couple weeks ago, I talked to Dr. Armitage, one of my favorite (and incidentally, most well-connected) professors in the Horticulture department, about getting an internship this spring. He had told us during class about an outstanding nursery / garden center in Portland, Oregon called Al’s. To make a long story short, it’s not a done deal yet, but I should be working out there for a few months this spring.

The plan is to ride my bicycle across the country during January – February. Maybe even leaving in December. I’ll be taking the Southern Tier route, which basically follows the general direction of I-10, except it’s along secondary highways and other roads. Then it’s striaght up the west coast. Right now, it looks like I’ll rent a minivan and drive across most of Texas, just to save some time. I have to visit my friend Laura in New Orleans, Diane in Phoenix, several people in San Francisco, and Stephanie in Sacramento. Should be a (tough and excruciating) blast.

On the way back, I’ll take the TransAmerica route from Portland, through Yellowstone, down to Colorado and across through Kansas, Kentucky, etc to North Carolina. I’ve still got to figure out how to get my stuff to NC, where to store it this spring/summer, and where I’m gonna live when I get there in August. Somehow, these things seem to work themselves out.

To make the trek easier, I’m converting my bike into an Xtracycle. I’ve already purchased a 1-person tent, sleeping pad, and 0-degree sleeping bag. Plus random new bike stuff that I will need, like a tough new 36-spoke rear wheel. Now all I have to do is spend nearly every weekend between now and then riding my ass off. I’m thinking a few camping trips up to the family land are in store. It’s 40 miles each way, so it should be good practice. By the end of December I need to be able to go there and back in one day, fully loaded, to be ready for the cross country journey. This may just be the hardest thing I’ve ever done, keeping in mind that I’ve climbed up the glacier of an active volcano and stood 20,000 feet on top of the world in Ecuador.

EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE.

My family thinks I’m nuts.

I think they’re nuts for not buying Apple stock 9 years ago when I told them to.

I Would Like to Point Out…

Published on September 11, 2006 in misc. 0 Comments

That you have in fact not reached Bengar Land dot com.

Unless your name is Jenni.

Breeders

Published on June 28, 2006 in misc and politics. 0 Comments

Ahh, the Onion strikes again. I love it.

We Must Preserve The Earth’s Dwindling Resources For My Five Children

We must take steps immediately to devise safe, alternative energy sources that my future offspring can safely consume. If we don’t develop new fuels now, there will be none left for those who issue from my loins to burn and continue to burn for all time. I don’t want my 625-odd great-grandchildren to have to wait 20 or 30 precious seconds for their toilets to flush. I don’t want their 3,125 children to live in a hellish society where they cannot own their own snowmobiles. And I shudder to think that my 15,625 great-great-great-grandchildren may not be able to have TVs in every room that they can leave on all day and all night. Is it our right to deny my progeny of their gargantuan RVs and motorboats, as well? Of course not.

Books I’ve Finished Recently

Published on June 17, 2006 in food and misc. 0 Comments

Botany of Desire
by Michael Pollan

An interesting look into how plants have ensured their own survival through the ages by cultivating traits that are desirable to humans, who in turn, propagate these plants on a massive scale throughout the world. The subjects are the Apple, the Tulip, the Potato, and Marijuana. Each fascinate me in different ways, so I enjoyed his insight and analysis. For such a short book it’s very informative.

 
The Omnivore’s Dilemma
by Michael Pollan

This is Pollan’s most recent book. Basically, he spent serveral years tracing various aspects of the food supply chain in the U.S. and outlines the results of 4 meals: Industrial, pasture, organic, and hunter-gatherer. Although he was a bit unfair in his critique of the Whole Foods Market chain, for the most part this is a good book that is well worth a read.

 
The Long Emergency
by James Howard Kunstler

If any book has had a profound impact on my life, it’s probably this one. I don’t quite subscribe to the doom-and-gloom scenario that Kunstler paints here but most of what he writes is based on hard facts, science, and reputable sources. To sum it up: When oil prices get much higher, we’re all pretty much fucked. The signs are already appearing, but most people aren’t paying attention. Hello! The world oil supply is on a decline — as in, we’re running out, right now. Better start preparing. My plans for the near future have changed quite a bit since I read this book (more on that later).

Kunstler also maintains a somewhat funny (if in a dark way) blog called Clusterfuck Nation. Keep an eye on that one.