Found on the internets:
Mattel recently announced the release of Limited Edition Barbie Dolls for the Athens Area Market:
This princess Barbie is only sold at exclusively at Heery’s and Cat’s Pajama’s stores. She comes with an assortment of Kate Spade Handbags, a Lexus SUV, a long-haired foreign dog named Honey and a cookie cutter house. Available with or without tummy tuck and face lift. Workaholic Ken sold only in conjunction with “augmented” version.
East Side Barbie
This modern day homemaker Barbie is available with Ford Windstar Minivan and matching gym outfit. She gets lost easily and has no full time occupation or secondary education. Traffic jamming cell phone sold separately.
Iron Triangle Barbie
This recently paroled Barbie comes with a 9mm handgun, a Ray Lewis knife, a Chevy with dark tinted windows and a Meth Lab Kit. This model is only available after dark and can only be paid for in cash. Preferably small, untraceable bills. Unless you are a cop, then we don’t know what you are talking about.
Five Points Barbie
This yuppie Barbie comes with your choice of BMW convertible or Hummer h3. Included are her own Starbucks cup, credit card and country club membership. Also available for this set are Shallow Ken and Private School Skipper. You won’t be able to afford any of them.
Madison County Barbie
This pale model comes dressed in her own Wrangler jeans two sizes too small, a NASCAR shirt and tweety bird tattoo on her shoulder. She has a six pack of Coors light and a Hank Williams, Jr. CD set. She can spit over 5 feet and kick mullet-haired Ken’s butt when she’s drunk. Purchase her pickup truck separately and get a confederate flag bumper sticker absolutely free.
West Side Barbie
This collagen injected, rhino-plastic Barbie wears a leopard print outfit and drinks Cosmopolitans while entertaining friends. Optional Percocet prescription available.
Jackson County Barbie
This tobacco chewing, brassy haired Barbie has a pair of her own high-heeled sandals with one broken heel from the time she chased Beer-Gutted Ken out of Newport Barbie’s house. Her ensemble includes low-rise acid washed jeans, fake finger nails, and a see through halter top. Also available with a mobile home and 8-track tape player.
This doll is made of actual tofu. She has long straight brown hair, arch-less feet, hairy armpits, no makeup and Birkenstocks with white socks. She prefers that you call her “Willow”. She does not want or need a Ken doll, but if you purchase two Montpelier Barbies and the optional Subaru wagon, you get a rainbow flag sticker for free.
Holman Avenue Barbie aka Lives Off Campus Barbie
This Barbie comes with her own mountain bike. Available with a Nissan Pathfinder, complete with Kayak on the roof and dog in the back. Optional Ken doll also comes with his own mountain bike and Golden Retriever.
“Go Dawgs!” Barbie
This peppy Barbie includes a red shirt and black skirt (sorry, outfit cannot be removed). Usually found near Sanford Stadium drinking Budweiser and popping Adderalls with Fratboy Ken — check Facebook.com for the photos. Warning! This Barbie will steal the extra-large sunglasses accessory from your 1983 model.
This Barbie is only 14 and comes with a stroller and infant doll. Optional accessories include a GED and bus pass. Gangsta Ken and his ‘79 Caddy were available, but are now very difficult to find since the addition of the infant.
This chain smoking, beer chugging model has a low rise jeans complete with muffin tops, for that extra something to hold on to. She has a lower back tattoo, cuz she’s kinda slutty like that. She drives a 1995 Ford Probe, and thinks she can dance better then you can. She comes complete with drug-dealing Ken, who doesn’t have a car or his license b/c he’s on probation. Navel piercing sold separately.
‘Country Rock’ Barbie
This Barbie comes with tangled hair and missing teeth. She is sporting LA Gear sneakers, Tapered Jeans and a B.U.M equipment belly shirt. Country Rock Barbie is also available with bearded Ken who serves as her cousin/boyfriend.